September 2011
DELANI IS JUST A PILE OF FUCKING QUALITY →
JESUS JUST NO IDEA HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU
NONE
CAN YOU FIND A CLUE AS TO HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU?
NO
HERE I’LL HELP YOU LOOK FOR IT
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me: I may or may not have kicked a hole in my wall
my friend: either you did or you didn't. this isn't schrodinger's fucking cat
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August 2011
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My office smells like glue and all I've been able...
And I accidentally said to a customer:
*Sniff sniff*
Me: Guhh I just can’t stop..
*sniff sniff*
Me: Sniffing glueeeeeee
And then I watched Dinner for Schmucks and laughed far too loud.
I hope they don’t report me to the boss.
I AM SERIOUS. LAFFIN SO HARD GOT MAC AND CHEESE IN...
Had a fight with my man so I wanted to watch some...
Dinner for Schmucks.
I should get fired for laughing so loud.
J:SDLFJS:DLJFSD:LJF:LDSJF
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Oh hey, I like have Skype now. If anyone wants to...
So I wrote a song about Ellie, and when I get some...
And no it isn’t my rendition of AVPM’s Ginny/Cho Chang/ Ellie
THOUGH I SHALL SING IT NOW
YOU’RE TALL AND FUN AND PRETTY
YOU’RE REALLY REALLY SKINNY
ELLIE
I’M THE MICKEY TO YOUR MINNI
I’M THE TIGGER TO YOUR WINNIE
ELLIE
WANNA TAKE YOU TO THE CITY
GONNA TAKE YOU OUT TO DINNEY
ELLIEEEEE
YOU’RE CUTER THAN A GUINEA PIIIIIIIIIIIG
I’MA TAKE YOU...
Started rewatching Supernatural last night.
Back in the days when they were looking for daddy and fighting real monsters.
When their voices were high pitched, Dean was a slut, and Sam was all JESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS NOOOOOOOOOOO all the time.
Missed that shit.
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I just met the most amazing woman tonight.
Oh my god I love my job.
I keep meeting future versions of myself.
It’s kinda scary.
This is 71 year old me. I’ve already met 91 year old me.
Hopefully I’ll meet 51 year old me, and 31 year old me.
And then when I become 31 year old me, I’ll go back and talk to 11 year old me
Because there was this woman when I was 11 who literally changed my life.
sdlkafjas;dlfjasf
...
Okay.. so I've put off watching Harry Potter and...
Don’t judge.
I’ve been fine with all of the spoilers.
But I was the same way with Return of The King
So now I’m going to watch it.
Thank goodness it’s a slow night.
Because no one needs to see me cry
I am not a pretty crier.
Of course he came back. They always come back.
Hotelling is fun.
Asshole we have decent rates for this town.
So go ahead and storm out of here because you think it’s outrageous
You’ll be back.
Wazzat?
You came back.
TAIL TUCKED BETWEEN YOUR LEGS PRICK
It’s okay I’ll give you a discount.
Me gaming with the boys tonight:
Me: GOD DAMN IT COVER ME YOU LIMP DID FUCK UPS
J & J & T : Lauuuuuuughter
Nate: That was kind of hot
Me: It’s a line from Tropic Thunder
Nate: We need to get married.
Me: WHY WOULD I MARRY A FUCKING CAMPER GOD DAMN COVER ME
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Mom. I literally just gave you my entire take home...
AND YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A BITCH ABOUT IT EITHER
sd;flaksdjf;asdfjsdf
LADY PLEASE
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So who's boyfriend is sleeping in a field...
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I have a dude at my hotel who only ended up here...
… Are you fucking kidding me?
Really?
200?
EVERYONE IS SMOKING AND I MIGHT DIE
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Watchfunnyordie:
eHarmony Video Bio
I’m Debbie, I love cats and I just want a soulmate!
I’m sorry I was thinking about the cats.
Boyfriend and I are just terrorizing the fuck out...
I LOVE US
I love how everyone talks to me as if I'm super...
Uhm. I’m 20. Not a child.
And if you were capable of carrying on a real conversation with me, then doesn’t that say something about my maturity level more so than how many times I’ve revolved around the sun?
Or rather, how many times the sun has revolved around me?
BITCH I AM FLAWLESS.
Roasted rosemary potatoes, chicken fried steak,...
Sorry fellas.
Taken.
OM NOM NOM FRIDAY NIGHT FEAST.
My brother and I are unstoppable:
Me: I would sell you my soul if you brought my laptop charger to me at work. Words cannot describe the boredom.
JJ: Where is it?
Me: Mangled on the bed somewhere. Attatched to a black box with a blue light. And that whole contraption is plugged in to a space that only God and Chico can get to. Also some pizza?
JJ: Pushin it.
Me: SIBLINSHIP IS ETERNAL. I’LL REMEMBER THIS NEXT TIME YOU...
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I WILL EAT ALL THE SUGAR SNAP PEAS
ALL OF THEM
OH GOD MY TUMMY
KEEP EATIN
JUST FUCKIN DO IT
FOR ANYONE WHO DOESNT FUCKING UNDERSTAND: ME AND...
My grandfather is the sweetest man in existence.
Not only did he invite me to supper
but he cooked my favorite meal (English fish and chips)
and made my favorite desert ( Apple crisp - WITH APPLES OUT OF HIS OWN FUCKING BACK YARD)
But THEN
he knew that I was quitting smoking, so he wouldn’t even smoke in his own home because he didn’t want to smoke in front of me.
This man. Went. Outside. OF HIS OWN HOME. To have a cigarette.
...
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EVERYBODY IS MAD AT ME. EVEN THE DOGS.
What a terrible day to chose to quit smoking.
I am going to watch some Gilligan’s Island and then take a nine hour nap.
To quit smoking shall be an awfully big adventure.
Box of nicorette, two bags of sunflower seeds, and $ - 3600.
That is how to quit smoking.
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Offering my body to science. Time & time again.:... →
grundle-mcballsonface:
accio-shannon:
iliketodisco:
hermione-ganja:
I mean,
Hufflepuff. HUFF le PUFF.
They’re mostly considered nice and peaceful.
They live right by the kitchen.
Their head of house teaches herbology.
“Badger” is exactly the kind of animal a stoner would…
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