Big Ass Bucket of Problem Salve

THE DUKE OF URL: I am Libby, Lizzy, the vixen version of Arthur Dent and I may or may not have a Messiah complex. Be forewarned that my life is an experiment much like Schrodinger's cat, if he were to want to put Franks' Red Hot on everything. This is not the blog you were looking for, move along, move along.

asmilinggoddess:

prettyflyforabow-tie:

asmilinggoddess:

ok but one day tony is like “how the fuck do you afford things. you’re captain america you dont have a goddamned day job.” and steve just looks at him “tony, my bank account has been gathering interest since the forties. im fuckin loaded.”

I’d assumed his account would have been frozen

that is the best comment anyone has added to this post and i want to personally thank you for that

(via rachkin)

nikolaecuza:

danosaurs-and-philions:

im a bad person who thinks bad thoughts like ‘ew what is that girl wearing’ and then remember that im supposed to be positive about all things and then think ‘no she can wear what she wants, forget what other people say, girl u look fabulous’ and im just a teeny bit hypocritical tbh

I was always taught by my mother, That the first thought that goes through your mind is what you have been conditioned to think. What you think next defines who you are.

(via rachkin)

hellaoptile:

you know how when you go to a concert or show of some sort and the person on stage is like “HOW’S EVERYONE DOING TONIGHT?!?!?!?!” and the audience cheers back? why? you’re not answering the question, you’re just yelling. imagine if we did that in daily conversation. “hey jeff, how are ya?” and jeff just starts screaming and clapping in your face

(via rachkin)

queen-of-love-and-beauty:

"I don’t wear makeup so I don’t have to waste like an hour in front of the mirror every morning hahahaha"

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"open books not legs"

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"why have tequila shots when you can have tea?"

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"As always, late with Starbucks"

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"modest is hottest"

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"I’m not like those girls”

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(via rachkin)

quickweaves:

quickweaves:

White people destroyed 3/4s of the world for spices and have the nerve not to season their food.

this post wont die 

(via rachkin)

holyshityouaresodrunk:

peter-pans-booty-shorts:

ohhowlucky:

danteogodofsoup:

killbenedictcumberbatch:

standupcomedyblog:

John Mulaney | The Salt & Pepper Diner

THE BEST JOKE IN EXISTENCE

GOD I JUST TOLD SOMEONE ABOUT THIS STORY

This is one of the best pieces of comedy that I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing. I love this. I have been looking for this online for awhile.

This is my favorite story ever and I will reblog it every time I see it.

(Source: timetoputonashow, via iamcalmanditsdoctor)